Welcome To The Hellmouth
Opened: August 8, 2008
Welcome to Emily The Vampire Slayer, my name is Emily (surprised?) & this is my personal webspace that is free for me to say as I like in. You don't agree with my ramblings? That's fine, leave. I'm not out to offend or upset anyone but, like most, I'm very opiniated... that can often get in the way of my desire to be friends with everyone I meet because I won't drop my beliefs for anyone. Why should I? But feel free to take a look around and comment my blogs. Any questions, issues or complaints can be addressed here.
Sometimes You Just Get Lucky
26.09.08
Oh yes! Oh yes! Yes, yes, YES! And one more time... YEEEEESSSSSS!!! And haha, no, I am not having an orgasm (while typing??) but I am very pleased cos, well, you see this guy here? The one on the left? He's called Chris and he's fantabulous because he's going to help me be a Glamour Model - he volunteered to take the pictures! Haha, pervert. Only kidding, he's great and professional so I don't have to worry about any crap like that. I'm not well again, as we speak... okay, as I type, I'm sucking on a Strepsil in my JimJams.
Oh, and by the way, Buffy won an award in this TV moment's thing for the episode 'The Gift', I know I'm pretty biased but that episode is fantastic, don't watch it if you cry easily. And I have turned A Story Untold into a website directory for all my other sites... I think I called it 'At The Crossroads' or something naff like that. Um, kay, and I've gone on deviantart again retrieving inspiration for my stories and whatnot.
And, by the way, I know I say this all the time but, hell, I really love fanlistings... like so much. Haha, 'like so much' I sound like an American teenie-bopper (whatever one of those is), I'm in a bit of a weird mood actually, kinda hyper and kinda low because I feel shitty. And I wonder when my next Buffy magazines are coming, they can't be much longer, the payment was sent last week and I know they are due any day now... and I have to go pick up my Supernatural magazine from the corner shop too, they hold each issue there for me; but, the guy at the shop freaks me a little, he hits me with a rolled up newspaper when I go in... and it's like he knows I'm coming, cos he's always got the bloody thing ready to casually whack me with; it's like: "Hiya Mitchaow!" *Thwack!* I don't think he knows my first name.
Okay, okay, I also have something else I want to discuss... er, basically with myself, you know, just get it out because unfortunately the computer can't answer back, but it is weird how it helps... like writing a diary, you're probably not gonna get a solution to your life from it cos it can't flutter it's pages and answer back with useful advice but it makes you feel better, like you can pretend you're sharing. You know: problem shared, problem halved. Well, thing is this; part of me really wants to go back to St Wilfrid's. I know that from an education perspective that New College is far better and would probably help me get into better universities and, even though my friends are at St Wilfrid's, I've known for a long time I would have to and been willing to sacrifice that positivity for a chance of better education. But that was when I was Emily who relied solely on education to get her where she wanted to be in life; Emily who couldn't sing, or wasn't particularly good at acting or dancing; the Emily whose options were limited and didn't know what she was going to do with the mind that many told her was a good one. But lets just say Emily woke up one day and knew for sure what she wanted and knew that what she was doing at the moment wasn't it... but then she also knew that what she wanted wasn't guaranteed to happen, though, like so many before her, she had realised her dream and fully wanted more than anything to pursue it... should she give up her chance of an education that would possibly lead to a successful job for a dream that might not come true?
Even if it was truly all she wanted? In the end I guess nothing is guaranteed, that's the big dilemma, you can't fully rely on anything.
I guess the most sensible thing to do is to carry on as I am at a college that can offer me more and follow my dream in the meantime. The fact that that option is open I suppose is great, and anyone reading this probably thinks: "Well, what are you complaining about then, if you can do both?" I'm complaining because I miss my friends, a real lot. I have some at New College but very few. Before, I put up with it because that's what I thought my only option was, where my life would head beyond my control; and now, this surfaces, my other chance... what I really want. I think in reality, even people who say they don't know what they want must be lying really. Sometimes, you have to make tough decisions between one thing and another and perhaps, what you want isn't always what's best for you... but I still think you know what it is... really. Deep down underneath, beneath all the ums and ars and outward indecisiveness, you know what it is you want. Some people know what they ought to do and what they want to do and they're not the same thing. I'm going to take a minute to admit to watching this little kiddies film called 'Mumfie' and in the film, Mumfie and Scarecrow come to a signpost which points in two directions: the way you ought to go and the way you want to go. They go the way they want to go. I always said that I would too, my Mum said that she would also. Is that what I should do? Because in real life there are far more things to take into consideration.
But I truly believe that my Mum's life got worse when she stopped doing what she wanted to do and began to do what she was supposed to... I've not had a bad life of course, but not an overly good one... I wonder: have I being doing too much of what I ought to do? I do know deep down that I want to go back to St Wilfrid's, but I still have to make the decision because it's a risk... I have to decide - is it worth it? Am I making the biggest mistake of my life?
Right, okay, now I'm going to travel back to nicer subjects. First my computer station, it looks like the picture shown except the desktop has changed; I was just snapping pictures in my boredom and thought I'd include this one so people can see where I'm sat tap-tapping away on the keyboard. And the one further up is my mini-library that I have in my bedroom with loads of books that I've read from Classics to Chick-Lit to Horror. I really like to read. I wish I had more sweet chirpy notices after that massive chunk of depression but I don't really so I thing I'm going to say my farewells now.
Oh, final happy thing... Family Fortunes is on tomorrow night - I love Vernon Kay!